Skip to main content

Never Compromise What You Know You Deserve to Hold onto Something You Only Think You Need

 You Deserve More!

Image originally posted on DarkroomBeforeDawn Instagram.

Whether it's a romantic relationship, roommate, friendship, teammate, employer, or business partnership, you know how you want to be treated. You know how you've always been treated in similar relationships in the past and how you expect to be treated in such a relationship now.

The red flag should be raised whenever you catch yourself all too frequently questioning, "Is what I am risking, losing, or having to compromise by being in this relationship/partnership really worth the good aspects it may also bring me?" 

It's easy to justify one negative or unhealthy aspect of your relationship or position with a fun or convenient one.  

For instance, your boyfriend often goes off on you for no reason, but he also buys you lavish gifts almost just as much. No boyfriend has ever done that for you before, so you tell yourself he isn't really emotionally abusing you since he gifts you — or even that the gifts make up for the frequent yelling and blaming. Do you really need to be showered with material affection so badly that you are willing to exchange receiving frequent presents for being treated poorly?

Another example would be a roommate who is fun to live with and always willing to go out anywhere with you. You share the same interests and schedule, which makes living in an apartment together easy. On the flip side, he never pays his share of the rent on time, which causes you stress every month with the fear of being evicted, not to mention, ruining your good credit since the lease is only in your name. Sure, it's fun to have an easy access bud to always hang with, but is the worry and tension every 30 days worth it? Also think about how this situation can affect you down the road. 

These scenarios can apply to professional relationships as well. For example, you started a new business partnership with someone who is very knowledgeable, and thus, taking on a bulk of the responsibilities. However, he turns out to be rather conniving. It becomes clear he has a reputation for this and your morals often don't align. Is easy money worth risking your own reputation in the business world? How far beneath your values will he go to get what he wants, and are you comfortable being associated with that in order to get your foot quickly in the door?

Likewise is a boss who disrespects you everyday, only because you are one of the few women in your field, but you stay working at the place because you like being close to home. Is having a short commute worth being made to feel worthless on a daily basis? If you are a mother, you might say yes, as it allows more time with your children. But, if you are short-tempered every night and crabby in the morning due to dread, is that really outweighing the extra time with mom for your kids? Or, would it be better for them, too, to see mom happy and respected in a position a bit further away?

Regardless of your specific situation, take a step back to see the whole picture. 

What aspects in a partner, team, or job are necessary for your safety, security, and well-bring? And, what's just nice to have but unnecessary in the grand scheme of things? Will being in this relationship help you get to where you want to be long-term? Or is it purely instant gratification?

Believe it or not, but your answers will come from your own recent thoughts and actions. If you have caught yourself all too frequently doing or thinking any of the following, it's definitely time to at least evaluate your relationship:

  • Brushing off degrading or disrespectful comments they make to you or others as being only jokes
  • Feeling embarrassed or ashamed of their actions when you are in public with them
  • Making excuses to other people for their inappropriate behavior
  • Having to constantly give them the benefit of the doubt or shrug off their treatment of you or others as not meaning anything cruel 
  • Trying to conceal certain qualities of theirs because you don't want family and friends to have a negative opinion of them

 
If you are also finding the following to be true, it might be time to decide if continuing this relationship or staying in this position is really worth it for you:
  • Having someone else notice and question how they are treating you or how they treat others
  • Lying to family and friends about their immoral or vulgar actions so that they won't frown upon your ongoing relationship or partnership with the person
  • Being abruptly cut off by acquaintances – or even losing friends – due solely to your close connection with them
  • Having important people in your life express their concerns over your ongoing relationship with the person or people
  • Straight out questioning yourself if it's safe or appropriate being with this person/group or at this place
 
Now, ask yourself (if you haven't already), "Is maintaining this relationship, partnership, group, or employment as is really in my personal best interest?"


Whatever you decide, stand strong. It'll be hard, but REMEMBER:

The Darkest Hour Comes Just Before...Dawn

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Derailing Vs. Getting on Board with Theories of Tiffany Valiante's Death

This post is about "Mystery at Mile Marker 45," the first episode in season 3 of Netflix's Unsolved Mysteries, which tells the story of Tiffany Valiante, a recent high school graduate with a promising future, who was suspiciously struck by a train after disappearing from outside her New Jersey home in July 2015. It is assumed one has already viewed the episode before reading my thoughts and opinions on this case. SPOILERS will be given!   Fact or Fiction?  I have seen several people discussing supposed facts that were left out of the episode, alleging Tiffany had stolen from her parent's bank account in the past, that CPS visited regarding abuse by her mother in the months prior to her death, and supposedly an axe recovered as evidence near the scene was lost by investigators before testing. Although I did find her autopsy report with the little bit of searching I did, I only saw this rumored information on gossip websites or other people talking on threads how they ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Whoever is trying to bring you down is below you; you are above whomever is trying to bring you down

Not sure which version of this quote I like better, but I do believe it's a valid statement.  If someone is trying to bring you down; whether it's by spreading false rumors about you behind your back, publicly attacking something of yours, or even just giving you constant criticism to your face; I think most people would agree then they are clearly below you in their moral standards and personal ethics, not to mention their levels of integrity and kindness! And, if someone is more focused on bringing you down instead of on their own work or personal goals, it probably does indicate you are above them — or at least, that they believe you are somehow ahead of them and thus, view you as competition to eliminate.  Whichever way you look at it, it's unfortunate there are people like that. Too many people turn things that shouldn't be into a competition when it would serve us all better to help and support one another instead — or at least to just conc...
Post a Comment
Read more

"It's Good to Know Who Hates You, and It's Good to be Hated by the Right people"

  I had to think about the second part of this one a bit, but I do concur. \   Haters tend to hate people they feel intimated or threatened by, in competition with, or envious of. Usually, there is no real reason for their hatred, other than those people are different than them; whether in looks, personality, interests, or any other qualities. In acknowledging that, if people are hating on someone who tries to be kind and respectful to all, somebody truly altruistic in their helping of others, it is fairly safe to conclude the haters lack some — or all — of those genuine qualities in themselves. Therefore, the good person is being hated by the "right" people in that they are hated simply because they are not hateful like the haters, nor would they ever want to be filled with hatred like them in exchange for their not being hated! This not only reveals the haters for whom they really are, but also confirms the good person the "hatee" is. Thus, in this case, it is ac...
Post a Comment
Read more